Marriage in Tibet: Principle and Morality

XU PING China's Tibet

　　During my 1999 visit to Ngari, I stayed in Shiquanhe, the prefectural capital. Not far from our hostel was a street stand selling miscellaneous goods. Whenever I passed by, the young man who owned it always greeted me with broad smiles. One day in passing, I noticed a woman there. "She-- your Agya?" I asked the young man in broken Tibetan. "What?" retorted the young man in broken Chinese, his face reddening in anger. "She--not my wife! My sister!" In Tibetan, "Agya" can mean both wife and sister. Mistaking one's sister for a wife could be insulting, so I understood the young man's anger. But once I explained, they understood what I meant. This is typical of cultural conflict. Failing to understand the existence of different cultures, which in many cases conflict with each other, easily leads to mistakes. Marriage in Tibet is a case in point. People outside Tibet are well aware of the fact that in Tibet, a man or woman may have several spouses, a father and his sons may share the same wife, while a mother and her daughters may share the same husband. This sounds ridiculous, but the custom is rooted in history and tradition. According to the Tibetan tradition, marriage took place within the same class and also within the same blood relationships. Under feudal serfdom, everyone had to follow the traditional marriage system, with inter-marriage taking place only within the same class.

　　Inter-marriage among serfs and slaves was subject to restriction by the serf owners. This was particularly so with nangzen (household slaves), who had no right to marry whatsoever. In order to avoid potential conflicts between owners, slaves were, in principle, not allowed to marry those belonging to another owner, and the latter's permission was needed for any exception to this rule. Any loss incurred in the marriage had to be made up with labor. The sons of such marriages belonged to their father's owner, daughters to their mother's owner. The form of marriage varied with the economic and social positions of the slaves involved. For nangzen (household slaves), moving in together meant marriage; no ceremony would be held. When the couple had a baby, the butler would send the couple a cup of rapeseed oil as a token. However, most nangzen worked very hard so there was little chance of them meeting a marriage partner in normal circumstances. Tralpa serfs tilled lands allotted to them by serf owners. They made up the bulk of the Tibetan population in old Tibet. They led a relatively independent economic life. When two young persons were to marry, they had to consider their family interests and family intervention played an important part in the marriage. In old Tibet, corvee labor was so heavy a burden that many tralpa families sought every means to bring more able-bodied laborers into the household. This encouraged polygamy and polyandry. Generally speaking, brothers would have the same wife and the sisters would have the same husband. Duiqoin (small households) stood between nangzen and tralpas in terms of economic and social position. Most of them were artisans and led a poor life. Generally, one husband had one wife. Slave owners and nobles married people who were on the same level with their own family situation. In order to ensure the family properties would not be dispersed and the family position not weakened, one wife tended to have more than one husband. The mode of marriage has experienced changes along with social progress. The new situation after the Democratic Reform (1959-60) had a devastating impact on traditional marriage, which was a product of feudal class oppression.

　　During the Democratic Reform, serfs and slaves won emancipation. They rose from the bottom of Tibetan society and began enjoying a better material life. For example, nangzen (household slaves), who owned nothing in old Tibet, were given land, houses and animals. With the improvement in their material lives, and the enhancement of their social position, nangzen and duiqoin were the first to break the yoke of inter-marriage imposed upon them in the old society. They began to marry people who were not necessarily ex-nangzens or ex-duiqoins. The historically formed mode of marriage characterized by polygamy and polyandry, however, is still found in Tibet. The region has made much progress in economic and social development, but it covers much territory and there are inevitably still economically poor areas where able-bodied laborers are still much demand for various families to eke out a living. This, plus a lingering attachment to the old mode of marriage, ensures the survival of polyandry and polygamy, although it is now rather rare. Another interesting aspect is that Tibetans shun talking about sex among people of the same blood relationship. When I was in Tibet on social investigations, I loved watching TV programs together with my farming host. However, adult female members of the host family tended to watch programs through windows outside the room. I asked them why, and they told me: "Many TV programs involve love affairs. In some cases, there will be people hugging and kissing in them. How can we men and women sit together to watch such behavior?" When the Tibetans play dice, they love to talk about things related to sex. This is why Tibetan women shun playing the game with men or refrain from watching men playing the game.